Killing Me Softly.... with Sonic

I've debated over whether or not I should post on this topic for about a week now. I'm actually still debating it as I sit here at my computer. I'll spare the details and keep it brief. Part of my job now includes driving to Sonic every Monday and making a personal order for one of our residents. What does this order include? Not one, but two foot-long hotdogs with chili, onions, and shredded cheese. Seem a little excessive? Just wait. Throw two chocolate milkshakes in there as well. Yes, this lady is on the larger side. I would typically be more sympathetic towards someone in her situation as it appears that her only satisfaction comes from food, but she is not entirely helpless. She is capable of getting out of bed, pursuing leisure interests, socializing with people, and taking care of her own personal hygiene. But she doesn't. And it kind of drives me nuts. I understand that this environment might be depressing for someone in her early 70's, but I also have trouble sympathizing with someone who expects staff to wait on her hand and foot (haha, I accidentally typed "hand and food"... Fruedian slip?), change her bedding multiple times during the day because she didn't feel like walking to the bathroom, take special orders, etc... when she is entirely capable of taking care of herself. There are so many residents here that would give anything for those freedoms, yet she doesn't even take advantage of them! Anyways, back to the foot-long hotdogs. I was not aware that I was going to be the sole Sonic food shuttle, but apparently that's the deal. I had a nursing aide pop into my office at about 4:55 on Monday afternoon.... five minutes before I was leaving for the day. She told me that this resident was asking about her hotdogs and milkshakes. I might have cursed under my breath, promised the nursing aide that I wouldn't shoot the messenger, and begrudgingly walked to the resident's room. I asked her if she would rather me pick up the order on Tuesday for lunch since she was about to be served dinner from the Dining Room. She insisted that I still pick them up that day because she would eat them in the evening. Oh that's right, I didn't mention that this Sonic order does not take the place of a meal.... it's an additional one. Call it an afternoon snack if you will. I was not a happy camper. And the worst part of this arrangement is having to actually place this order at Sonic. I literally whispered into the intercom because I didn't want the cars behind me to think that I was ordering that much food for myself. Unfortunately for me, the Sonic employee yelled back, "Two FOOT-LONGS with chili, onions, and cheese? So really, you want two quarter pound coney dogs???" Call them whatever you want, just give me the freakin' dogs. Quarter pound each. Fast forward to Resident Council the very next day. The residents are discussing what they would like their "Meal of the Month" to include. We decided on an "All American" dinner... hamburgers, hotdogs, french fries, watermelon, the works. One resident requested that they don't serve the fat ballpark hotdogs, but instead the regular sized Oscar Mayer dogs. The other residents agreed... all but one. "Oh, oh wait... you wouldn't want the 12-inch dogs from Sonic? Couldn't we order those? They are real good... and only $2.99!" No comment.

Okay, so I sound like the most insensitive Activities Director in the world. I understand that I'm taking that risk, but it's been a long week. And on top of having to pick up her hotdogs and shakes, I had to spend an hour on the phone with AT&T trying to get her phone bill straight. Imagine my frustration.

Now who here is craving a quarter pound Coney?!

Man of the Year

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST DAD IN THE WORLD! And here are 10 reasons why he really is the best...

1.) He taught me to appreciate good music. I used to flail myself around the living room, dancing and reciting every word to the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band CD as well as Aerosmith's Greatest Hits. You name the artist... Billy Joel, Tom Petty, the Eagles, Paul Simon, Chicago... if they were good, they were being played in my Dad's car. He used to play DJ at all of his friend's parties.... sound familiar to anyone who has attended a party with me or Dee?

2.) He is the only male in the house. A wife and three daughters. We never even had a male dog. Hello, estrogen... yet he handled it like a pro. God bless him. And give him a few grandsons.

3.) He is one of the funniest people in the entire world. He tells the BEST stories... ones that I ask him to repeat over and over again. I hope I have just an ounce of his sense of humor.

4.) While the three of us girls were eating breakfast when we were younger, he used to run downstairs through the kitchen dressed in only his boxers and a t-shirt saying, "I'm late for work! Just woke up! Gotta run! Love you girls!" and would run out the door to the garage. Being as gullible as we were, we would chase after him screaming, "DADDDD NOOO you don't have any pants on!!! You can't go to work like that!!!" Always kept us on our toes.

5.) He has traveled all over the world. He has been to almost every state in the U.S. and to so many other countries. The best stories involve Japan and the business men singing karaoke across the dinner table.... in English... with straight faces. I would give anything to be a fly on a wall to see my Dad in that situation.

6.) He has been the most faithful fan to the New York Jets. For those that know their history, that says a lot about him. But soon enough he will be rewarded for his dedication.... J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!

7.) He is the most encouraging and supportive Dad that three girls could ask for. No matter what sport we wanted to play, courses we wanted to study, places we wanted to live... he has backed us up 100%.

8.) He has been the best example for what I want in a husband and in a Dad for my children (in the far-off future...), and let me just say, it hasn't been easy to find somebody with his qualities.

9.) Remember when it was funny in high school to make inappropriate comments about your friend's Dads? Without going into too much detail, let's just say my Dad was the most popular.

10.) Here comes the cheese... but it needs to be said. Dad has always told us how proud he is of us and how lucky he is to be our Dad, but I'm not sure if he knows how proud we are of him. We are told on a regular basis by friends, family, co-workers, etc, what good people our parents are. And they're right... we are the lucky ones.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! I love you!

Climb to Safety

Looks like I'm on a video kick, but I can't help myself.... I received an e-mail and video attachment from my Mom this morning that I think is worth sharing. It might be perceived as a tad cheesy, but when you look into the heart of the video you can't help but be a bit moved. It is a video of the new "Wear Your Seatbelt" advertisement that the UK is doing... the creator of the video did it not because he was hired to, but because the cause is important to him. Apparently it has spread all over the world, so chances are you have already seen it... enjoy! And wear your seatbelt!

http://embracethis.co.uk/

Deleted (Strongbad Voice)

Looks like Youtube deleted the video I shared on my last post... try this one!

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/7876900/20876176

Reality Bites... Sometimes.

I am not a huge fan of reality TV. I will admit to being a sucker for Laguna Beach and the Hills... but it's hard for me to sit through an entire episode of Housewives without screaming at the women or ripping my hair out. I typically watch the last episode of American Idol just to see who wins, and just recently I've started watching the Bachelorette because I just have to watch my girl Ali find herself a decent man after last season's letdown. And clearly I'm a fan of Jersey Shore so that I can pick up guido terms such as "GTL" and "Beat the BEAT!" But to be honest, I'm more the type to throw myself into a dramatic series where I attach myself to the characters and lose myself in their storylines. Think Mad Men, Dawson's Creek (if you don't put this in the drama genre, then you clearly never saw the anti-prom episode), Alias, Veronica Mars, and Lost. Tara and Deirdre are with me on most of these... I think... I hope. But anyways, the reason for writing this blog post is because I happened to come across "So You Think You Can Dance" on Wednesday night... and I was blown away. I've seen a few dances on this show, but nothing like this one. First off, they danced to Coldplay's "Fix You", one of my all-time favorite songs. Secondly, the dance was so powerful that I jumped off the couch in disbelief and might have even shed a few tears. Lastly, the judges gave them a standing ovation... I don't know much about this show, but I have a feeling that a standing ovation isn't common. Reality television definitely has redemptive qualities.

So if you didn't catch this amazing performance and have a few extra minutes in your day, take a look... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29Eyhwli2Yo

Like Logan and Veronica's love, it was epic.

Aqua - "You want a shot at the title?!" - Palooza

We started off early... 6:30 am to be exact. My best friend Dana was in town (longest we've ever gone without seeing each other!) and she happened on the same weekend as "Aquapalooza", one of the most glorious events to be held on Lake Travis. We rolled out of bed, got ourselves ready, made sandwiches and beverages for the boat, grabbed our sunglasses, and were ready for Firas when he pulled up at 7:30. You all know how much I enjoy making lists, so here goes a list of the reasons why Aquapalooza was an event to remember...


1.) There were over 7,000 boats and 65,000 people in one place.

2.) We enjoyed bloody mary's while floating in our life preservers in the water. That's a first.

3.) Brad Paisley performed on a stage in the water. Not only did he put on a very entertaining show, he was so excited to be there. After a couple songs he shouted, "This is the COOLEST thing I've ever done!" I've never been a huge Brad Paisley fan, but his points shot way up after that performance.

4.) Older lady dancing on the raft in front of me and Dana. Had already mentioned her ex-husband(s) and children. Enough of her butt showing to make us uncomfortable. Somewhat provocative dance moves while in her teeny bikini. When all of a sudden... she tips backwards off the raft into the water. Imagine me and Dana at this very moment. Dying.

5.) Dana managed to score a ride on a wave runner with a random guy. Is anyone surprised?
When he said he was heading over to another friend's boat for about an hour, she pulled the "just visiting from Virginia" and he was quick to tell her to hop on. Here's something else that won't surprise you.... they got pulled over on the lake because Dana convinced the guy to do donuts in a no-wake zone. Amazing.

6.) The devil's girlfriend was on our boat. She had orange skin and bleach-blonde hair. You all know that I'm typically a kind person... I try to see the good in people. Impossible with this one. Without getting into too much detail, I'll share one of her finer moments. She had probably taken 15 jello shots by 11:30 am and Dana and I were a little concerned that with no food in her stomach, she was going to get really sick... or make a complete fool of herself. Dana and I were relaxing in the shade on the boat, enjoying some monstrous turkey sandwiches, and drinking lots of water. Satan's gf sat between us on a cooler and started going through a bag of tacos that another girl had prepared for the boat. She opened up each taco, let out a groan every time she saw what was inside, wrapped it back up, and grabbed another. Dana finally asked, "What are you looking for? Those all look good." The girl replied that she could only eat chicken and that she wouldn't eat a flour tortilla, only corn. Dana told her that she was skinny and had nothing to worry about, that she would be fine eating just one flour tortilla. Satan's gf responded, "That's why I'm skinny. Because I don't eat flour tortillas." Dana and I roll our eyes at each other. She goes on to stand up and look over at the boat of guys beside us and in her demonic voice says, "Yep, flour tortillas. Nobody eats them. Oh wait, these girls do...", pointing at the two of us. While part of me was a bit offended by that comment, another part of me wanted to yell, "That's right! And throw on some extra cheese and chorizo, &%^$*!" and then cannonball into the water. But I didn't. Instead, I sat there with my jaw dropped for about 15 seconds until Dana and I just started laughing in shock of what just happened. Pure evil. Felt like 7th grade again.

7.) Swimming the English Channel to get from our boat to the stage where Brad Paisley performed. We were lucky enough to have a wave-runner pull us most of the way on the swim there, but not so much on the way back. I still laugh thinking about holding onto Dana's raft behind the wave-runner and my head was barely above water... I finally moved to the back of the raft but quickly lost my grip on it and was only surviving by holding tightly onto Dana's hand. I literally thought I was going to pull her arm off. We were laughing too hard to get me back to the raft. One of those moments where you just had to be there.

8.) Brad Paisley singing his new hit "Water" as everyone (tens of thousands of people) splashed water into the air and everyone was dancing and singing at the top of their lungs. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to enjoy this as 10 minutes earlier a lovely fellow was kind enough to throw up. In the water. I don't think you need any more detail as to why people splashing water on my body wasn't a pleasant experience. I kept my mouth and eyes closed for the majority of the song.

9.) Chad, Firas's good friend and boat owner, inspired the title of this blog post. The devil's girlfriend, after telling him that she "hated all of his girlfriends", told Chad that she would ruin him. He had to have repeated the story of him responding, "You want a shot at the title?! I dare you," as he ran his hands over an imaginary belt at least six times. And I was excited every time he started the story.

10.) And my all-time favorite part of the event: I got to spend the entire day with Dana!!! Guaranteed a good time. Couldn't have picked a better and more fun Aquapalooza partner! We are going to try and make a tradition out of it. Besides our lips getting sunburnt (holy smokes... never again), we were champions that day. Can't wait 'til next year!

Awkward Turtle

I led a trivia activity this afternoon where we played a game of Scattergories, a game I'm sure most of you have played before. I had eight categories listed on the dry erase board, and as a group the residents came up with an answer for each category starting with a letter from the alphabet. A resident with mild dementia (who has always creeped me out a tad to begin with, two points for honesty) was sitting next to a very high-functioning African-American resident. The letter we chose was B and the categories included things like "Animal", "Girl's Name", "Country", and so on. Every time I announced a category and asked them to think of an answer that started with B, the lady with mild dementia would say, "Black Lady". Every time. I told her that her response was inappropriate and that there wasn't an animal or country named "Black Lady", and she just smiled at me with her creepy eyes. After the fourth "Black Lady" answer, the other resident (who is the nicest woman in the world) turned to her and asked if she was prejudiced. The lady shot back, "No, are you?" Seriously? I break up the little tiff, and try to remind the resident that "Black Lady" will not fall under any category. Ever.

It gets better.

We finish up the trivia activity and I begin to take residents from the activity room back to their rooms or the living room. I return to the activity room to find that the lady with mild dementia has taken her shoe off and is sticking her foot in a male resident's direction and appears to be asking something of him. He shoots me a panicked look and asks me to move him or her, either way as long as I moved quickly. I asked the lady what she was doing and she responded, "I want him to rub my foot." Ew. I told her that he was not going to rub her foot, and that he would never be available to rub her foot.

If my residents knew what the Awkward Turtle signal was, we would have all been doing it. With the exception of one.

Lesson on Love

I experienced something a few weeks ago that I wanted to share, but I felt that it was almost too sacred of a time to share through a blog post. However, the lady recently passed away and I feel that it’s fitting to now share with you all what I learned from her during her time of need. This is the lady who just a couple months ago thought it was amusing to pull me in for a big hug and snap my bra against my back. She had a quick decline and returned to our facility where she was eventually put on Hospice, and it was our goal to keep her comfortable and free of pain. Unfortunately, she suffered back pain that I don’t believe the majority of us could ever relate to and was constantly crying out and calling for God to take her. Her room is only three doors down from my office, and one morning I just couldn’t bear to listen to her crying out any longer and decided that an hour with her was worth much more than an hour of paperwork. Being the most flexible woman in the world, her back was bent all the way over with her head touching her knees. I began to rub her back and might have hummed a little tune or two. Her crying out became more and more sporadic and at one point she sat up, looked at me, and started running her hand through my hair. She said, “Oh precious, I love you, I love you, I love you.” I told her I loved her too, and she laid back on the pillow and fell in and out of sleep for about 20 minutes as I just stroked her head and sang "You are my Sunshine" (quietly). The Hospice chaplain came in and I stirred the resident just to let her know that she had a visitor and that I was going to be on my way. She opened her eyes real wide, grabbed my face with both of her hands, and pulled me in close to kiss my forehead. It was so powerful, but I didn’t fully understand why I was so moved by my hour with her until I returned to my office. I sat for a few minutes just weighed down by it all, and I realized I was so affected because she was able to love me while she was dying. She ran her hands through my hair, kissed me on the forehead, told me she loved me. She made me feel loved when she herself was in so much pain. I went in her room to take care of her, and I walked out of there feeling cared for. That’s incredible. I’m not sharing this to make you sad, I’m sharing it because I want my life to reflect that sense of compassion. I feel lucky to witness these things and to be a part of them. I hope it’s okay that I continue to share them with you time and again. I promise there will be a few humorous posts between them…

30-second Ego

It had been a long day at work. I was tired and the Texas heat mixed with rain was not helping my mood. I looked completely disheveled when I got home... make-up had worn off, hair was thrown back in a ponytail (typical once I've been at work for one hour max)... you get the picture. I promised myself I was going to get the passport ball rolling and had made plans to go to CVS that evening to get my photo taken. I manned up, threw on some make-up, ran a brush through my hair, and was off to the store. I walked around picking up a few random things, and made my way to the register. In came a friendly bum with a huge smile on his face, like he had just won the lottery. He takes one look at me and exclaims, "WOW, you're beautiful! Just beautiful!" He then proceeds to call the attention of other CVS customers telling them to look at me and asking them, "Isn't she just BEAUTIFUL?!" The others smile and nod awkwardly. I must admit, after the day I had, I was a tiny bit flattered. He came over and made me give him a pound with my fist. It was pretty amusing. I go on to pay for my things and ask to have a passport photo taken. The CVS employee takes me over to the photo booth and not even 30 seconds later, I hear my new friend exclaiming, "You're beautiful, just stunning!" I quickly look over to feel out the competition.... a woman in her 60's. 300+ lbs. Cane in one hand. 12-pack of Coca Cola in the other. Awesome.