Gargoyle Envy

Jimmy is the resident who I can count on for a good laugh. He is always positive, always witty, and always calling me "baby". Not in a creepy old man way, but in a grandfather way. Which sounds even more creepy, but you get what I'm saying. He is my guy. I even sing, "Nothing you could do, 'cause like I'm stuck like glue, to my guy, my guy, my guy..." every time I walk into his room. He always joins in halfway through, it's so sweet. Unfortunately, Jimmy had a fall on Friday and physically just hasn't been the same since. He is normally up and about, leaps from his bed to his wheelchair, or will sometimes walk behind his wheelchair while pushing it down the hallway. These past few days, he has spent most of his time in bed and tells me that he's just too weak to get up and participate in activities. He is normally my trivia man... also the one to tell the group that it was his first wife who said, "Give me liberty or give me death." I saw that he was in the hallway outside of his room yesterday afternoon, and I went singing down the hallway toward him. With a grin on his face he told me, "Jackie, I sure hope death isn't too far away for me." I was stunned. I've heard this out of residents' mouths before, but not from someone who is so cognizant and typically optimistic about their situation. I asked him why he felt this way, and he responded that he was just sick and tired of his body getting weaker and the pain that comes along with it. I reminded him that he still had his mind, and he told me that was only worth a little at his age. Jimmy asked me, "Remember the Hunchback of Notre Dame in the very last scene? He looks out from the bell tower at the gargoyle below him and says, "Why couldn't I have been made of stone -- like thee?" Well Jackie, I am the Hunchback." I had nothing profound to say back to him. I just hugged him. With my job being to provide meaningful activities for these residents' "last phase" of life, I have to learn to let go. I so badly wanted to tell him how sad I would be if he was no longer here, or how much he has to live for, or how my heart hurt when he compared himself to the Huncback... but I am learning to just be quiet and listen.